I take pride in the fact that I enjoy a good chick-flick, I helped Amy pick out the bridesmaids’ dresses for our wedding, AND I was named “Best Sweetheart of the Year” two years in a row for my college’s largest sorority. However, all of my training of trying to understand the other half of the human race did not prepare me for what happened under my own roof yesterday morning.
This week, my girls are in dance camp. They are having a blast. One of their favorite parts is getting dressed up in their favorite leotard and having mommy fix their hair. It was upon the latter that I discovered my eldest had entered a new phase of emotional awareness.
I was downstairs with the younger daughter when Lauren, who is five, came down the stairs yelling, “Don’t look at my hair! Don’t look at my hair!” She was on her way to our downstairs bathroom to look in the mirror and apparently, she wanted to be the first one to see how mommy had fixed her hair.
That brings us to Daddy Mistake #1 of the morning: Failure to interpret what the female child is actually saying.
At the time of her descent downstairs, I was attempting to carry all of my belongings, which actually required two trips but in the true spirit of manhood, I was attempting it in one. The folder containing all my worship song charts was slipping out of my arm and I asked Lauren to catch it before she went into the restroom. This caused me to inadvertently look at her hair.
She got upset.
Daddy Mistake #2: I got frustrated.
After she finally made it into the restroom and returned upstairs, still upset, I committed Daddy Mistake #3: trying to reason with an upset female. I had temporarily forgotten the passage in the man-manual which clearly states on page 536, section 5, paragraph 4:
“When a woman (child, teen, or grown-up) is upset, she will not be able to reason like a man. Do not try to explain the situation to her. It will not work. It will only get you deeper into trouble. Respond only with, “I love you honey,” or better yet, say nothing at all.”
I tried to explain to her that by saying to us, “Don’t look at my hair,” our attention was immediately drawn to her. Lauren could not comprehend this in her state of mind. Thus, I sent her to room to cry it out and calm down.
A few minutes later, I received notice from Amy that this was my doing and it was up to me to smooth it out with Lauren. Upon that, I did what any self-respecting man would do. I said, “yes dear.”
Upon entering the room of my crying 5-year-old, I quietly sat on the edge of her bed and cuddled her up in my arms. After apologizing and trying to soothe her, she was still very upset. When I asked why she was still upset, she responded, “I don’t look pretty now because my face is red!”
The tiny little baby girl, that I kept watch over all night in the hospital nursery the night she was born, has now grown to childhood. I realized at that moment that she is aware of her looks and wants to be pretty. More than just playing dress-up, she wants to present herself well to the world, especially her daddy. My heart sank as I knew I had failed this test miserably.
At least there’s today and I have a new chance at getting it right.
God, I so deeply love the daughters you gave me. In my man-hood, help me to be the one who cares and protects them, and tells them how beautiful they are. Help me to be a father that reflects the nature of You, our Heavenly Father. Help me to raise my children with wisdom and love, in spite of our physical and emotional differences.
Thu, Jul 23, 2009
Parenting